MIA Report: Grief, Stress, and Why Cancer is a Bitch

On Monday, March 5th, at 4:05PM my dad passed away. If you were following me about a year ago you might would have seen the post in which I announced that my dad had been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. I had come home from Spring Break and on Sunday, March 4th, gone to Augusta to be with my dad. Before I had left for Spring Break I was under the impression that my dad had a couple weeks left. By Saturday things had taken a turn for the worst and he started declining rapidly. The man I went home to was not the daddy I had left behind when I went off to college. Seeing him like that is something that'll be burned into my brain for all eternity. Mom says the only reason he made it that long is he was trying to stay alive long enough for me to get there. When I arrived and saw him, I told him it was okay. That I would miss him and it would hurt but that whenever he was ready to let go, I'd be right there. I told him how much I loved him. And I cried and held his hand. When I had laid down for a nap on Monday, mom woke me up and told me to hurry, that he was gone. The preacher that had been there on Sunday had told me that when my dad went it would probably be when no one was in the room. He was right. But that didn't stop the twinge of guilt from not being there.

This year so far has been so stressful, with my dad being sick and then taking a fairly heavy coarse load at college. And I swear this past week has taken years off my life. I leave back for college today and the next week will be loaded with school work. Things should be getting easier from here. But they aren't. I'm starting to feel that I won't truly get to breathe until the beginning of May, when the semester ends and I can go home for the summer. These next two months are going to be so rough between trying to keep my head above water at school and cope with the loss of my daddy, who I loved so much. When my grandmother passed away August of 2010, it had the opposite effect that I would have expected, with me getting posts up like mad. In no way, shape, or form do I see that as going to be the case this go round. I'm going to try and get posts up on occasion so my blog doesn't go totally dead but I can't promise much more. Please bear with me folks. I love you guys so much.

In Memory of Jimmy (James) McNair
December 4th, 1959 to March 5th, 2012



Both these photos are old. The first being from 2006, the second from 2008. You never realize how long it has been since you had your picture taken with someone you love until it is too late. That said, I like that both the pictures were taken in his element. My dad was a damn good pilot and he loved his job. I got a message on Facebook from an old co worker of his who'd heard about his death telling me he was one of the best pilots they'd ever had. And coincidentally, I'm in my Relay for Life committee shirt in the second photo.