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Coming Soon:
~Review: The Killing Woods
~Review: The Waiting Sky
~Review: A Certain Slant of Light
~Review: Timepiece
~Review: Infinityglass

Friday, March 9, 2012

MIA Report: Grief, Stress, and Why Cancer is a Bitch

On Monday, March 5th, at 4:05PM my dad passed away. If you were following me about a year ago you might would have seen the post in which I announced that my dad had been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. I had come home from Spring Break and on Sunday, March 4th, gone to Augusta to be with my dad. Before I had left for Spring Break I was under the impression that my dad had a couple weeks left. By Saturday things had taken a turn for the worst and he started declining rapidly. The man I went home to was not the daddy I had left behind when I went off to college. Seeing him like that is something that'll be burned into my brain for all eternity. Mom says the only reason he made it that long is he was trying to stay alive long enough for me to get there. When I arrived and saw him, I told him it was okay. That I would miss him and it would hurt but that whenever he was ready to let go, I'd be right there. I told him how much I loved him. And I cried and held his hand. When I had laid down for a nap on Monday, mom woke me up and told me to hurry, that he was gone. The preacher that had been there on Sunday had told me that when my dad went it would probably be when no one was in the room. He was right. But that didn't stop the twinge of guilt from not being there.

This year so far has been so stressful, with my dad being sick and then taking a fairly heavy coarse load at college. And I swear this past week has taken years off my life. I leave back for college today and the next week will be loaded with school work. Things should be getting easier from here. But they aren't. I'm starting to feel that I won't truly get to breathe until the beginning of May, when the semester ends and I can go home for the summer. These next two months are going to be so rough between trying to keep my head above water at school and cope with the loss of my daddy, who I loved so much. When my grandmother passed away August of 2010, it had the opposite effect that I would have expected, with me getting posts up like mad. In no way, shape, or form do I see that as going to be the case this go round. I'm going to try and get posts up on occasion so my blog doesn't go totally dead but I can't promise much more. Please bear with me folks. I love you guys so much.

In Memory of Jimmy (James) McNair
December 4th, 1959 to March 5th, 2012

Both these photos are old. The first being from 2006, the second from 2008. You never realize how long it has been since you had your picture taken with someone you love until it is too late. That said, I like that both the pictures were taken in his element. My dad was a damn good pilot and he loved his job. I got a message on Facebook from an old co worker of his who'd heard about his death telling me he was one of the best pilots they'd ever had. And coincidentally, I'm in my Relay for Life committee shirt in the second photo.


Chris said...

Hi BP, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thoughts to you and your family. -chris

Jo Treggiari said...

Briana, I am so so sorry for your loss! Please remember to take care of yourself and take it day by day!

Anonymous said...

Im so sorry for your loss Briana....sending you some prayers today!!

Inspired Kathy said...

So sorry for your loss. My mom passed away at the age of 55 so I understand what you are going through.

Jenna D. said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Briana. My husband lost his father in December of 2010, and his passing has made a great impact on the family. Now, just a couple weeks ago, we found out that his mother has been diagnosed with endometrial (uteran) cancer. It definitely does suck.

I hope you find peace with your father's passing and wish you well in the rest of the school year. You will get through this.

I Read Banned Books said...

I'm so sorry to read about your father's passing. Prayers and thoughts to you and your family.


Laura Eno said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your school load will feel like such a burden but it'll keep your mind occupied. Sending healing thoughts your way.

Riv Re said...

*hugs* I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm so, so sorry. I've lost people I was close to as well, and it hurts so much. But it will get easier, eventually. The pain is agonizing, but soon it'll get a little easier.
Sending you loving thoughts.

Britta said...

I'm really sorry for your loss, Briana. I know that probably won't make you feel any better, since I recently lost my Grandma and nothing people said made it any better. Just remember to keep taking care of yourself and to have as much fun as you can because even though your are grieving and it will take a long time to be able to cope, I'm sure you're father would want to keep on living. He sounds like he was a wonderful man. My prayers go out to you and your family.


Candace said...

I'm so sorry for loss. I know there's not much that can be said, but know that we're here for you. Don't worry about the blog, we won't go anywhere even if you aren't able to post for awhile. It's too bad you can't have a bit of a break from school but I understand you don't want to get behind. I'll be thinking of you.

jackie b central texas said...

Briana my father died on Fathers day in June of 2009, it was hard to see him suffer his last few months of life but when he was gone my Mom and myself were left with a huge hole in our hearts just like yours has right now. I am not going to lie and say time makes it better, when you love your Daddy like I did time makes no difference as miss him just as badly as the day he died.
My family was small, just my parents and myself so now all I have are my Mom and my Husband who I also love dearly. He does not think so but he is a lot like my father, in all the ways that count.

Grieve as you need to, school may seem like a burden but it will make time easier on you when you are busy because when you slow down that is when the grief overwhelms you.

Big virtual hugs from a stranger who follows your blog, it will be waiting for you when you have time and energy to spare to devote to it.
We will be here when you have something to share again.

Natalie Aguirre said...

So sorry for your loss Briana. My sister died from breast cancer 4 years ago and it takes time to get over it. She hung on until her 50th birthday, the big thing for her to make.

Take care of yourself and know that we'll be here when you're ready to post regularly. These kind of losses are so big that it takes time to spring back from. Take the time you need.

Marmaladelibby (aka Ange) said...

:( My thoughts are with you Briana. *hugs tightly*

Lori said...

Oh Briana, I'm so sorry.
I'm really happy you got to go with us yesterday and I hope that took your mind off of it and made you feel better for a little while. You'll be in my thoughts.

We Heart YA said...

Although nothing we can say can make this better or easier for you, please know that you have the best thoughts and good will from all of our hearts. We are so sorry for your loss, but so glad you got to see him. Please don't worry about the blog or anything. Just let yourself heal. <3

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Georgia, United States
Hello all! My name is Briana, I'm 20, and I live in the beautiful state of Georgia. I love reading and photography.

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