A Match Made in High School (ARC) by Kristin Walker
Release Date: February 4th, 2010
Age Level: 15+/YA
Disclaimer: Please note that this is an ARC and passages and quotes below are subject to change in the final copy.
When the principal announces that every senior must participate in a mandatory year-long Marriage Education program, Fiona Sheehan believes that her life can’t get any worse. Then she marries her “husband”: Jerky jock Todd, whose cheerleader girlfriend, Amanda, has had it in for Fiona since day one of second grade. Even worse? Amanda is paired with Fiona’s long-term crush, Gabe. At least Fiona is doing better than her best friend, Marcie, who is paired up with the very quiet, very mysterious Johnny Mercer. Pranks, fights, misunderstandings, and reconciliations ensue in an almost Shakespearean comedy of errors about mistaken first impressions, convoluted coupling, and hidden crushes.
(Warning, one or more of the following quotes or passages contain a bit of sexual innuendo.)
Principal Miller; pg. 7
"The school board and I have formulated a plan to address an escalating problem in our country." Principal Miller paused to check her notes. "The divorce rate has exceeded a staggering fifty percent. One out of every two married couples will divorce. The family unit will seperate. The marriage will dissolve and you will be left alone." She looked at us. Scanned the room. Took a shallow breath. "all by yourself. With no one. In your forties...way past your prime." She steadied her trembling body against the podium.
Fiona; pg. 8
We unfroze pretty quickly here.I mean, this was a new low for ECHS. I thought the cafeteria food that tasted like wet navel lint was plenty bad. Or the eye-watering stench of the third-floor girls' bathroom. Or the gym uniforms that looked like they were left over from a 1970's porno flick. Weren't those humiliating enough? Apparently not. Our groans rolled through the auditorium like a thundercloud. But it wasn't until she said the next thing that the lightning hit.
Exchange between Fiona, her mom, and dad; pg. 28-29
"Why? Dad asked. "What happened; did you get a dud?"
I slowly spun my knife on the table. "Not a dud. The complete opposite. Extremely popular and a total jerk. There isn't one thing about this guy I find at all appealing."
"Hey now. Come on. Don't be mean. Popular guys have feelings too," he teased.
"Not this one. Unless you count feeling up his girlfriend in the hallway before class."
"Feeling up a girl always counts," he said.
Mom swacked him with her cloth napkin, "Ethan--"
"It's true. I've counted every single time." And I swear to God, he reached over and honked her boob right in front of me.
Fiona; pg. 69
Mom beamed. She had successfully allied herself with the most powerful group of women in our little town. Housewives with anger issues, plenty of disposanle income, and way too much free time.
Fiona and Sam; pg. 78
Sam marched forward, positioned herself between Todd and me, and pinned her fists on her bony hips. "My name is Samantha Louise Pickler, not that it's any of your buisness, because you are a rude, ugly fart-face."
Even though Sam had her back to me, I covered huge grin with my hand. I knew I was supposed to correct her, but I couldn't. She was too freaking adorable.
Exchange between Fiona, Todd and Maggie the counselor; pg. 148
Maggie Klein reeled herself down from her counseling-induced high. "So. First, I want to congratulate you on winning the monthly prize for October. Here is your voucher for Stueben's" She held it out but neither Todd nor I took it.
Finally, Todd snatched the voucher, saying, "I may as well take this. I know Fiona doesn't go for sausage."
I came right back with, "Todd, though--once he wraps his hands around a long, thick sausage, he can't get it in his mouth fast enough."
This book was so frikin' hilarious and there were many more quotes and passages I would have liked to include but to do so would have defeated the purpose of reading the book because there were THAT many. You can probably understand my 15+ age level rating from some of the passages above, can't you? lol. I couldn't help posting them though. :D Hope you were able to get a few good laughs. You can check out my review HERE!
PLEASE NOTE: This is a feature hosted here at my blog in which I present you with selected passages or quotes that I deem Noteworthy from a book I've just reviewed. My hopes are of course, that these passages will make you want to pick the book up and read it. This feature was started and created by me in January in hopes of making my blog more unique. That being said, I would like to kindly request that you do not use this feature as it was intended to be for my blog only and is not a meme. If you see some one else using it, please know it is without my permission. Thank you.